can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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