Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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