Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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