Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
