Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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