I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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