It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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