stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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