and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
