Are we in a gay sports bar?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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