Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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