He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
