May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
