the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize