Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
