hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
