He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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