She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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