There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
