when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
