I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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