Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Randomize
