mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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