ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
