remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dicks are not precious.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
