Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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