there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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