No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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