just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
