If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
