So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
