dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
