You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
