who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
