It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
