I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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