You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
