Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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