I got her a Nickelback box set.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
