Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
