Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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