Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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