just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
