I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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