I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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