I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
