So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
