Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
