You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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