This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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