Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
