Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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