It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
