I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
