I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
