if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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