we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
