I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
