I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you would pick up someone in the library
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
