3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
