after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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